Just His Tears in Her Place

A daughter engaged.

Wedding plans begin.

Her mother is centre

from beginning to end.

The father knows nothing 

Unless he asks.

Nothing is shared.

Nothing is tasked.

The mother is inside.

The father is out.

He doesn't complain. 

He's not what this day is about.

He shares in so little.

He only waits for the day.

The Summer, the wedding 

His cherished part in the play.

Father and daughter walk down the aisle

It's his honour, a daughter's gift of true grace.

Then they'll dance their one dance

And she's gone, just his tears in her place.

Treat Love With Care

When I was young, young love I found.

It reached my soul, it was my ground.

Hard years passed, that love has died.

Now life's a struggle, loneliness my bride.

I look in the mirror, dead eyes look back

Betraying the good life, before my heart cracked.

The smile I wear, it hides my tears

But it's a lie to myself, denying the wasted years.

I've tried to be honest, to not live a lie

But love has passed me by, and I struggle with the why.

If only I'd listened, to the many who tried

But I always knew better, and so now I simply wait to die.

Hiding in the shadows of my former life

it's all gone now, my heart crushed by a wife.

Hoping one day, I will find my peace,

but how can one person, kill all belief?

Regardless of all, I still hope beyond reason

that I will know love, in this my final season.

If God should grant me, this simple prayer

I promise that this time, I'll treat it with care.

Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

Signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in adults include deep emotional detachment, inability to form lasting relationships, chronic distrust, difficulty showing affection, emotional numbness, hyper-independence, frequent irritability, and a tendency towards social withdrawal or conversely, overly clinging behavior (Disinhibited RAD). Adults with RAD often struggle with emotional regulation, fear abandonment, and may experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of emptiness, stemming from a history of severe neglect or inconsistent care in childhood. 

Core Symptoms in Adults

• Emotional Detachment: Difficulty feeling or expressing positive emotions like love, joy, or empathy; feeling numb or empty inside.
• Relationship Difficulties: Trouble forming secure, deep attachments, leading to fragile or superficial relationships; fear of intimacy.
• Trust Issues: Pervasive distrust of others, even supportive individuals; significant fear of rejection or abandonment.
• Social Withdrawal: Isolating themselves, avoiding social interaction, and preferring to be alone.
• Emotional Dysregulation: Intense mood swings, inexplicable sadness, irritability, or fear.
• Lack of Affection: Aversion to or inability to give or receive comfort, touch, or affection.

Other Manifestations

• Self-Soothing Behaviors: Rocking, rubbing arms, or other repetitive actions.
• Hyper-Independence: Extreme difficulty accepting help or relying on others.
• Control Issues: A need to control their environment or others due to feeling unsafe.
• Negative Affect: Displaying unexplained sadness, fear, or irritability disproportionate to the situation.
• Behavioral Problems: Potential for rule-breaking or impulsive actions.

Key Considerations

• History: RAD stems from early childhood trauma, such as severe neglect, inconsistent caregivers, or growing up in restrictive environments.
  
• Two Forms: RAD can manifest as inhibited (withdrawn, detached) or disinhibited (overly familiar, lacking boundaries), though the inhibited form is more commonly associated with RAD.
  
• Co-occurring Conditions: Adults with RAD often experience anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or other mental health challenges. 

Discovery Mood

https://discoverymood.com/blog/reactive-attachment-disorder-in-adulthood/

Columbia Mental Health

https://www.columbiapsychiatry-dc.com/counseling-blog/signs-of-reactive-attachment-disorder-in-adults/

Mayo Clinic

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/reactive-attachment-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352939

We Struggle for the Why

And we all live
And we all die
And we all struggle to get by. 

But still we laugh
And still we cry
And none of us ever find out why...