My Life is a Song

And that song would be Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. I had daughters, not sons, but the message in the song rings true. So true.

While my daughters were growing up I was away, a lot. At the office at all hours while I started my own business, and then always travelling on business. Always away. I tried to change course but it was too little too late.

When I finally decided money wasn’t the most important thing, I changed course and worked from home. Unfortunately, my wife did think money was the most important thing. It took her a couple of years to get all her ducks in a row, and then she pulled the plug on our marriage, on our life.

That was sixteen years ago, but I still think about it…every single day. And it occupies my 3 am thoughts most nights as well.

Regardless, I had set the tone years before. I’ve no one to blame but myself. My girls are always busy with their lives which, as the song says, is exactly what they learned from me. “They’d grown up just like me”.

I wish I had done things differently, but then they would be different — and I do like the women they have become. Of course I wish I saw them more, but as I’ve said, that’s on me.

I'm alone these days, and that's no accident.

And I'm tired. So tired...also no accident.

A Brief Stop in the Journey of Life

This is a recent view of a street from my past. It represents a year or two in the mid to late 1960s. Quite a short piece of a lifetime, yet some of my fondest memories — as well as some of the worst — occurred here. I’ve no idea why I’m still pulled to this neighbourhood, sixty'ish years later.

Fifteen

Fifteen years since she walked away
Fifteen years is 5,500 days of wondering what went wrong,
5,500 nights of less sleep than needed.
And still, fifteen years later, the knife in my back is still being twisted.

Born into Chaos

People who are born into chaos,
who survive their first several years
denied any love and affection.
These people don't have big dreams.
They dream only of a home
that can't be taken away from them,
and a person who won't abandon them.